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13 February 2009 @ 11:26 pm
i walked from dunkin donuts back to my house at like nine pm and by the time i got home i couldnt move my fingers enough to open the door. it was so bad.

rachel and i went to her house after GSA, and we watched some movie that's really only funny if you're not intense about watching it. it was mostly jokes that were kind of funny...i guess. but everything was so cliché. it was hamlet 2, or something.

i talked to anna for a lot of GSA. why are sooo many of this year's freshman actually decent people who don't suck at all? it's really nice.

waiting in friendlies for half an hour for shairon and maddie was fun. it was worth it, though.

it keeps getting harder and harder.
white is the color of defeat.
Current Music: braile - bring me the horizon
11 February 2009 @ 11:22 pm
i would not have lasted there, but i don't know how i'll be able to hold up here.
doing this work and making this effort is killing me.

ms. greenberg wasn't afterschool today, so i didn't get to develop my film. i'm intimidated by ms. y, for some reason. and she doesn't know me, so i'll just have to do that one tomorrow.

i have a dentist appointment after school, which i'm always really nervous about.
i always feel like i'm being judged intensely.

everyone who counts liked my hair cut. which was nice.
i wish i did, haha.

tomorrow i find out if i'm truly ready for my english class. and i also have a math test. great.

also, instead of packing, i need to embark on a room-hunt to find that amazing mystery mix cd.

i lied, i can't let this one go.
she's trying to figure out who it is now.
Current Mood: restless
10 February 2009 @ 11:17 pm
this is the first night i'm going to be pulling a work related all nighter back at needham.
i get excited about things like this.
it's just busy work, so it doesn't really count, but still. i can pretend it does.

i got a haircut today. it's a lot shorter than i'd wanted, but it's growing on me. it could be worse, i suppose.
it kind of emphasizes my latest stretch, which is nice.

in my plc class today, it suddenly hit me that i really like my jrp book. especially after i analyze it.
which is nice, usually the whole getting-too-into-it thing ruins it for me, which is kind of sad. but not this time.

i've never gone this long (7 days) without losing confidence in my classes and abilities before.
i'm barely staying on top, but i'm still there. i'll take what i can get.

today i realized i might be able to give up on her.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: dirt off your shoulder, dj danger mouse
10 February 2009 @ 12:05 am
i'm really happy about today and i don't know why.
it's certainly nice.

i spent a long time after school with ms greenberg, but i never actually asked her to write me a college rec. i don't think she will, so i'm kind of just afraid to.

i officially met dan today, because i thought he was andrew. they gave me a ride home, it was pretty fun. we almost got in two accidents in a one minute car ride.

my dad is being lazy about the phone situation, but i switched anyways. i'm back on verizon. i got the voyager, because the sales person refused to sell me the glyde. which was amazingly nice of him, considering verizon's reputation as far as customer care/service goes.

and without any finagling on my part at all, i got my lobes up to 7/16". i thought i had at least one, maybe two more days with the tape in. this is good, because my ears were starting to react poorly to this nonsense. this is my final stretch, because if i want to go any bigger, my left ear is so far off center i'd need to get something done about it. i'm pleased with this size now, though...for the time being. haha.

oh, and i laughed for maybe about an hour on and off because someone said the word teabag.
Current Location: needham.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: some flaming lips nonsense.
08 February 2009 @ 03:32 pm
i'm not very good at keeping these things up to date. it got to the point where i was too tired of everything to even bother writing about it.

i'm getting a new phone, again. i guess that's the only good thing that's happening right now. everything else is getting worse, despite the fact that i moved back.

i came back for you, and you're causing the problems.
08 February 2009 @ 03:27 pm
fuck you lucy - by atmosphere.

It leave never would you, you show could I If

She say that she still wants a friendship
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then
Most of this garbage I write that these people seem to like
Is about you and how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you, I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what I showed you how you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences

Ever since I was a young lad with a part-time dad
It was hard to find happiness inside of what I had
I studied my mother, I digested her pain
And vowed no women on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And I travel with feels so I can deal with touch
It's like that, thank you very much, fuck you very much!

(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Fuck the "what happened?", I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck, used to hold her hand
Fell behind then played the role of a slower man
I want to stand on top of this mountain and yell
I want to wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the she twist me up
The last starfighter is wounded, time to give it up
On a pick it up mission, kept it bitter
Gettin' in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keepin' emotions controlled
Cookies for the road, took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama, hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further, the hurt feels like murder
Interpret the eyes, read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake, how much time did I waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needing me
I wanna say fuck you because I still love you
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do

(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Do I sound mad? Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point, five points make a fist
You close 'em, you swing 'em, it's hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch, but if the boot fits
I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath,
And avoid you, sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream, "Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'ma finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover

(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

It leave never would you, you show could I If

it's easier than posting an entry.
Current Mood: lonely
31 May 2008 @ 11:01 pm
so i guess were close enough to be texting each other all the time now, and that kind of makes me really happy. this is going to work for me, right when i fucking move. oh well. i guess i'll sort all of those intricacies out later.

so mady returned out of nowhere the other day. it was pretty crazay, and its getting to be like old times. it kind of like, you know, complicates things and drags up allll these old memories that dont exactly need dragging up, but its great. i realised why i let that all happen to me, and its help me come to terms with it. she was worth it.

so today i went around p-town, job hunting. everywhere was closed by the time i got there (we were out buying a grill and stuff earlier), but i have a few places that im going to check tomorrow. most of them look pretty cool. the high school looks reallyyyyy small. ill put a picture up sometime, but its crazy.

on a side note, i've made too many mixes lately. as going away gifts and such. my burners working like a small asian kid.
Current Location: truro?
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Summer Overture - Clint Mansell
30 May 2008 @ 10:33 am
so many things have happened in so little time. ive gone from "definitley" going to summer school to DEFINITLEY not being able to get in. what the hell? but thats not the worst bit, though i wish it was.

im moving. my parents decided it was best, so im moving in with my dad. im going to be going to p-town high for the next two years. 110 kids for six grades. student to teacher ratio of 6:1.

what. the. fuck.
Current Location: writing lab...
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: And I'm Aching-Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
19 May 2008 @ 04:07 pm
just got back from the set your goals, energy, no trigger, just surrender, and fireworks show. such an intense time. i've neverrr been to the ICC and seen it sell out, but it did tonight. the energy crew tore everything up, they had the entire place in a circle pit. and they did a gorilla biscuits cover. at least, i think it was GB. maybe not.

i finally backed up my computer today, so now i dont have to live in fear of losing everything/running out of space. and i'll be able to run waffles.fm! which will make my day.

in physics george and i just messed around with physics, and planned out the next month of shows. attwn friday, aob&itw saturday, june 1st is this is hell, june 20th is see you next tuesday, and the 21st is therefore i am with energy. then, of course, warped tour and rock the bells.
Current Music: None, its getting sorted into itunes right now!
16 May 2008 @ 04:50 pm
i was supposed to go to my dads house today, for the weekend. im not sure what happened, but im not anymore. i think i might go to set your goals tomorrow, now that im free. but they do kind of suck.

i had been scheduled for my fourth meeting with guidance today. i skipped it for the fourth time, i dont really need to deal with all that right now. at this point its looking like im pretty well fucked for the year, and if i cant do anything, i dont need to spend an hour and a half with some old asian man lecturing me about it. i fucked up. i know. but it needed to happen.

im allowing myself to get more into her than i ever should at this point. its looking like its going to be mady all over again, except this time its for real. im not doing this just to escape, and shes not saving me from anything. if i fall, im going all the way back down again. and i dont think that anything will stop me this time, it could be really interesting. i wonder if its terrible that i cant stand her name.

on a side note, davids sister is back now. shes working at starbucks again, we had a nice little chat this morning. she kind of furthered my lack of desire to go to BC, though. which could be an issue in the future.
Current Music: The Past Is A Grotesque Animal - of Montreal